It was my last day at the Casa de Dom Inacio, home to John of God. My last chance to sit in Current with a few hundred others and be open to receive and share the blessings of the Casa Entities of Light, the blessing of God's healing vibration, the blessing of Divine Love. Before I went in to sit I put a prayer and a simple note in the prayer basket. The note was 'I surrender'. I wrote it spontaneously, I had no pre-conceived intention of writing it and no desire for outcome. Even as I wrote it it seemed unusually succinct for me, succinct to the point of brevity, but as I wrote it I felt the Entities response and a wave of energy passed through me - needless to say I added nothing!
Now the notion of Surrender is not a new one to me, rather, along with Trust and Gratitude, I see it as the backbone of spiritual practice. I am sure I have written many a note before to the Entities surrendering, but as each moment in life is a continual choice so too was this moment. It was the last Friday afternoon of a blessed 3 month stay, the end of some beautiful work and the day after I had had a spiritual operation. So with Trust in my heart and Gratitude in my mind I simply went to sit down and Surrender myself unto the Casa Current.
I found the right seat, closed my eyes and let the world drop away. Almost instantly the tears started to roll down my face and I could feel the convulsions of sobbing moving up through my body. Without words or a clear thought process I was some how bereft, in a state of absolute surrender, energetically prostrate on the floor in front of the Divine. I saw flashes from different time eras, perhaps my lives, perhaps not, but I felt the anguish of mankind's belief in separation, the suffering we have put ourselves through, our inhumanity to each other. It felt monumental. I was offering it all at the feet of the Divine, almost spewing it out as the sobbing continued coming in waves from deep within.
This wasn't some contrived moment of surrender, for this is not how I would have constructed it at all. It wasn't simply an opening to be God's vessel, to do God's will, rather it was an emptying of pain and suffering, a surrendering of that which keeps us separate. I was distraught, it felt like there was no where deeper to go, how much more could I prostrate myself on the ground - had it been a physical body experience I'm sure I would have been thrashing around on the floor like a fish out of water, a soul out of source, and banging my fists on the floor with the despair of a two year old.
And so I breathed deeply and wondered if this Eternal Moment would ever pass! And so it did, quietly, as if I had stepped into the slip stream of a river and was tumbling along before I even realised what had happened. I found myself offering a prayer:
Dear God,
May my eyes see as you see,
May my ears hear what you hear,
May my mind think your thoughts,
May my mouth speak the words you would have spoken,
May may heart feel as you feel,
May my hands do the work you would have done and
May my feet carry me 'ere you would have me go'
I was considering each statement over and over, as if feeling bodily what I actually meant and checking to see if this was possible and had I missed anything out.
And I was somehow left with the understanding that we travel from Loneliness to Godliness as our Divine Destiny, and that everything was perfectly alright....... I had simply experienced an unexpected moment of surrender.
In surrender, trust & gratitude,
Bari xxx
