Making a Noise

I noticed this morning that I don't like to make a noise! I realised I was gently placing the plates on the counter surface, moving the pan lid with extreme care - in effect tip toeing around the kitchen. But why? I am in a beautiful apartment on my own, there's no one to disturb. My neighbours living upstairs are merrily calling to each other above their music, brushing the floor and generally busying around. So I can hardly say I'm trying not to disturb them. So again I ask myself why?

I am by nature a relatively peaceful person, and find I am becoming more mindful with time. After all isn't it appropriate to be conscious of one's footprint? Yes - but to be honest this doesn't feel like the truth of the matter much as I might, on first glance, like to think it is!

Newly aware of my pattern what is there to do, but sit and look closer - I thought about going into the kitchen and clattering pots and pans around, but ouhhh no, I'm not ready for that step yet!!!!

I have always been conscious of others and how my presence affects them, always mindful of their needs, trying not to disturb the peace. A behaviour learnt in childhood with an often times temperamental Mother. I was taught, by my Father, that the most important thing we had to do was to keep the peace, to keep things calm. Without much further guidance I somehow worked out the best thing to do was to keep quiet as other attempts always seemed to end in disaster. 

So what is it exactly that happens when we make a noise? Someone knows we're there, someone might pay us attention, they might notice our presence, might see us? In the past I have often looked on in horror at those people who play up, act to be seen and are somehow larger than life. Of course over time I've also realised that those who laugh loudest are often the ones who cry hardest too, but that's a digression for another day. It is this judgement of others that has previously shown me an aspect of myself I have been uncomfortable to accept (a shadow aspect, as we now like to call them) - the part wanting the attention, wanting to be seen, to be heard, the child within crying for attention.

Such a dilemma - the child within crying for attention, the child without being as quiet as possible not to be seen. And so it seems this childhood pattern didn't remain in childhood.

But here we all are trying to navigate our way through these amazing times of change and evolution.  I'm so grateful that these times support us moving through our old patterns, shifting us as part of group consciousness. We no longer need to remain caged and ensnared by our conditioning, our past stories, our learnt behaviours. We are free, we always have been!

As I share this blog with you I honour the child without, the one who never wants to be seen, who wants to stay quiet and keep the peace. I honour her for finding her voice, for learning step by step how to clash those pots and pans in life.

May we all make our noise, take our place and be seen as the Radiant Divine Beings we are,
Blessings, Bari xxx