An unexpected moment of surrender

There are times when we have an experience beyond words, beyond our conceptual understanding of applied principles - a spontaneous moment, a God Moment. Yesterday I had one of these moments.

It was my last day at the Casa de Dom Inacio, home to John of God. My last chance to sit in Current with a few hundred others and be open to receive and share the blessings of the Casa Entities of Light, the blessing of God's healing vibration, the blessing of Divine Love. Before I went in to sit I put a prayer and a simple note in the prayer basket. The note was 'I surrender'. I wrote it spontaneously, I had no pre-conceived intention of writing it and no desire for outcome. Even as I wrote it it seemed unusually succinct for me, succinct to the point of brevity, but as I wrote it I felt the Entities response and a wave of energy passed through me - needless to say I added nothing!

Now the notion of Surrender is not a new one to me, rather, along with Trust and Gratitude, I see it as the backbone of spiritual practice. I am sure I have written many a note before to the Entities surrendering, but as each moment in life is a continual choice so too was this moment. It was the last Friday afternoon of a blessed 3 month stay, the end of some beautiful work and the day after I had had a spiritual operation. So with Trust in my heart and Gratitude in my mind I simply went to sit down and Surrender myself unto the Casa Current.

I found the right seat, closed my eyes and let the world drop away. Almost instantly the tears started to roll down my face and I could feel the convulsions of sobbing moving up through my body. Without words or a clear thought process I was some how bereft, in a state of absolute surrender, energetically prostrate on the floor in front of the Divine. I saw flashes from different time eras, perhaps my lives, perhaps not, but I felt the anguish of mankind's belief in separation, the suffering we have put ourselves through, our inhumanity to each other. It felt monumental. I was offering it all at the feet of the Divine, almost spewing it out as the sobbing continued coming in waves from deep within.

This wasn't some contrived moment of surrender, for this is not how I would have constructed it at all. It wasn't simply an opening to be God's vessel, to do God's will, rather it was an emptying of pain and suffering, a surrendering of that which keeps us separate. I was distraught, it felt like there was no where deeper to go, how much more could I prostrate myself on the ground - had it been a physical body experience I'm sure I would have been thrashing around on the floor like a fish out of water, a soul out of source, and banging my fists on the floor with the despair of a two year old.

And so I breathed deeply and wondered if this Eternal Moment would ever pass! And so it did, quietly, as if I had stepped into the slip stream of a river and was tumbling along before I even realised what had happened. I found myself offering a prayer:

Dear God,                                             
May my eyes see as you see,
May my ears hear what you hear,
May my mind think your thoughts,
May my mouth speak the words you would have spoken,
May may heart feel as you feel,
May my hands do the work you would have done and
May my feet carry me 'ere you would have me go'

I was considering each statement over and over, as if feeling bodily what I actually meant and checking to see if this was possible and had I missed anything out.

And I was somehow left with the understanding that we travel from Loneliness to Godliness as our Divine Destiny, and that everything was perfectly alright....... I had simply experienced an    unexpected moment of surrender.

In surrender, trust & gratitude,

Bari xxx

Making a Noise

I noticed this morning that I don't like to make a noise! I realised I was gently placing the plates on the counter surface, moving the pan lid with extreme care - in effect tip toeing around the kitchen. But why? I am in a beautiful apartment on my own, there's no one to disturb. My neighbours living upstairs are merrily calling to each other above their music, brushing the floor and generally busying around. So I can hardly say I'm trying not to disturb them. So again I ask myself why?

I am by nature a relatively peaceful person, and find I am becoming more mindful with time. After all isn't it appropriate to be conscious of one's footprint? Yes - but to be honest this doesn't feel like the truth of the matter much as I might, on first glance, like to think it is!

Newly aware of my pattern what is there to do, but sit and look closer - I thought about going into the kitchen and clattering pots and pans around, but ouhhh no, I'm not ready for that step yet!!!!

I have always been conscious of others and how my presence affects them, always mindful of their needs, trying not to disturb the peace. A behaviour learnt in childhood with an often times temperamental Mother. I was taught, by my Father, that the most important thing we had to do was to keep the peace, to keep things calm. Without much further guidance I somehow worked out the best thing to do was to keep quiet as other attempts always seemed to end in disaster. 

So what is it exactly that happens when we make a noise? Someone knows we're there, someone might pay us attention, they might notice our presence, might see us? In the past I have often looked on in horror at those people who play up, act to be seen and are somehow larger than life. Of course over time I've also realised that those who laugh loudest are often the ones who cry hardest too, but that's a digression for another day. It is this judgement of others that has previously shown me an aspect of myself I have been uncomfortable to accept (a shadow aspect, as we now like to call them) - the part wanting the attention, wanting to be seen, to be heard, the child within crying for attention.

Such a dilemma - the child within crying for attention, the child without being as quiet as possible not to be seen. And so it seems this childhood pattern didn't remain in childhood.

But here we all are trying to navigate our way through these amazing times of change and evolution.  I'm so grateful that these times support us moving through our old patterns, shifting us as part of group consciousness. We no longer need to remain caged and ensnared by our conditioning, our past stories, our learnt behaviours. We are free, we always have been!

As I share this blog with you I honour the child without, the one who never wants to be seen, who wants to stay quiet and keep the peace. I honour her for finding her voice, for learning step by step how to clash those pots and pans in life.

May we all make our noise, take our place and be seen as the Radiant Divine Beings we are,
Blessings, Bari xxx

The Universal Flow of Abundance

Yesterday my house mate was cooking dinner when she realised she had run out of limes, a necessary ingredient for her creation. She called across to ask me if I had any, and if she could have one. I had one small lime, so I happily gave it to her.

Today I went to the store to buy my groceries. The man was weighing all my vegetables and fruit until he got to my lime - he held the lime for a moment and instead of putting it onto the scale he popped it into the bag, looked directly at me and said 'that is for you my friend'.

And there we have it - the Universal flow of abundance, with such simplicity, clarity and beauty that I am in awe! There is no better teacher than life herself, no words more effective than direct experience, no initiation more potent.

If we trust that our needs will be met in the moment in which they arise, and we stay open to giving and receiving, then Universal Abundance will surely flow in and through us. It is Universal Law and our Divine Right.

Blessings unto all,
May there always be a lime when you need one!
Bari xxx